bleah

Read more...

I rest 2 days a week

Long weekend.

Singapore e awards on Saturday was pretty worth the price. Cheapskate me couldn't afford the tickets for stefanie sun's concert at Sentosa and thought this was a much cheaper alternative to catch her singing live, all along assuming she would actually be attending it. Well.

But still managed to catch many other singers, although they were tiny as hell on the stage that also looked tiny as hell from our seats because the cheapskate me got the cheapest tickets which were 2km away. But it was the cheapest tickets that were nearest to the stage and evil me couldn't stop laughing at the people seated one row below us who paid double the price. HAHA.

The best performance that night was probably by JJ who sounded amazing live on the piano. It was exactly how he sounded like on CD and no he wasn't lip-syncing. Dammit people who can sing makes me jealous.

And I was totally perplexed by how popular SHINee was. 90% of the crowd was probably girls and almost 90% of them was probably there for SHINee while shun bian supporting some of their favourite Chinese singers. How did they gain so much popularity here with so little exposure?! The audience basically went crazy like monkeys whenever they go on stage.

It was like:
Chen Wei Lian! 
clap clap clap.

Tanya Chua!
clap clap

Liang Wen Yin!
clap clap whistles~ woo!

SHIN.... or simply I am sure you all have been waiting for this...
AHHHHHH OMGWT***** *YELLS* *Screams like crazy*
(*Freaking climb on the seats and jump like mad with glowsticks in hand*)

And I was stunned. Like =O.

The funny part was how they planned Eason Chan to be the final 压轴 performance and arranged SHINee before him, but before Eason Chan actually sang people were already leaving. How sad is it that our Chinese singers are being overtaken by these Korean boybands who have little exposure here and sang songs which no one understands like ding ding dong and some replay~bojio~ songs.

Anyway, the thing lasted almost 5 hours and we left at 11.30pm hoping to catch the last train. And the saddest and most helpless feeling you can ever get at that point of time is to see on the LCD screen at the control station:

Last Train to Jurong East    Arrived

Ah! Almost wanted to run for it but the sensible me refrained from tapping in since I most probably will be wasting 60cents. We shouldn't have bought the Big Gulp at 7-eleven.-_-

So we went in search for buses only to realise my buses have already ended service. Dammit why do our transport system end services so fast?!! Doesn't LTA's CEO have a night life?

Luckily lekchia didn't abandon me or I would have been left stranded at City Hall. We managed to find a bus that goes directly to his house but it was the wrong way and we had to search for the bus-stop for the other direction, found it, only to realise the bus doesn't stop there, saw the bus pass by, jayrun across traffic light to catch it on the next bus-stop, only to realise it doesn't stop there either, miss the bus, all while praying that that wasn't the last bus. We walked to the next bus-stop which the bus actually does stop, and thankfully the service ends quite late. Crazy night. Slept over at his house that night.

Went to IT Show the next day and the crowd was crazy. Singapore seriously doesn't need to increase its population. LKY should have been there at Citylink Mall the day before when there was a human jam, and he probably will go "OK fine! I was wrong. 2 is enough. And no more banglas unless required."

Actually had to exit to upstairs to make out way to Suntec. It was claustrophobic and I think its just getting worse every show. =/

Caught Kaiji today with the guys as suggested by WW who was pissed because we were late but the movie was surprisingly quite good. The acting and plot was lame but at least I didn't fall asleep because it was so engaging. Ssossossossosso...

Its super late right now. I am sacrificing my precious sleep to finish this entry. 3 person have asked me the question 'Tml no need work ar?'

And I haven't iron my clothes. bye.

Read more...

I work 5 days a week

Decided to blog during this pointless weekend.

I haven't written an entry for so long that I got so reluctant to post anything thinking about how long my entry will be if I were to try to fill the 6 months gap. Therefore I shall forget about those and start anew.

Been working for around 1.5 months. Work is simple. Location is far. Pay is low. Company is great. The people company, not the company company, not saying the company company is bad though.

Really grateful to jun yu and my luck for getting this job. Although I could have went for the jobs I applied which are much nearer to my home had I not sign the contract, I gotta say this job had been a really good experience.

2 months back I was still procrastinating. I didn't know what to expect on my first job, although I really wanted to take this chance and gain some working exposure. But what if my superiors bully me? Who will I be having lunch with? How will my colleagues be like?

But everything turned out well in the end. Everything was unbelievably smooth and easy and everyone treated us so well. I probably won't be lucky enough to get another job like this. So it would be ironic that I am not planning to continue the job after my contract ends.

Main reason is that the job has gotten monotonous and probably whats keeping us going is the enjoyment we derive from making fun of a particular colleague. Lol. Side note: I realise whatever I wrote sounded so serious and boring if I write using correct English sentence structure and don't interject 'lol' and 'haha' in between sentences like I always do. lol.

Other than that... the pay is pretty low? Especially after CPF deductions and food and transport, its only slightly better than my NS allowance. And talking about transport, the 1-hour journey to-and-fro everyday to Raffles Place is damn tiring. I rarely get a seat, and when I do, I always feel so guilty considering how young and fit and healthy I APPEAR to others. :) Ok I am indeed pretty young and healthy... but I am weary early in the morning and exhausted after a long day work so why am I not entitled a seat?! I think any tired person have the right (or 'priority' as they say it) to a seat as much as a pregnant and elderly person. So you probably have a pretty good chance that someone will give up their seat for you if you are pregnant or elderly AND look tired.

I think its a major misconception people have that people who feign to be sleeping are so selfish and are trying to act like they didn't see the ah peh/ah po in front. I believe anyone who have tried this knows it is too stressful to do so because for the whole journey you have to force yourself to fall asleep. If you even open your eyes for a split second you are bound to spot the ah peh/ah po and THATS IT! YOU SAW HIM! The real reason I ever sleep on a seat is simply because I am honestly tired. Sad thing is there are just too much people spoiling the market by pretending that they are tired. =(

Having said all these, I always scan around me for old uncle and aunties when I get a seat for fear of being posted on STOMP. But my criteria for anyone who deserves my seat is pretty strict. Old but still looks fit and healthy. Nope. Standing is good exercise. Old but looks young. Nope. Don't want to hurt your self-esteem. Old but carries an LV bag. Nope. So rich why don't take taxi. Old but using an iPhone. Nope. You made me jealous. Old and frail and shaking. Ah... fine fine fine.

But I don't deny the fact that working at Raffles Place made the superficial me feel so cool and woo-seh. Although I have the word 'Temp' written all over me wearing cheap G2000 clothes and a crumpler bag. Its still a sneak peek into the corporate world. Watching the groups of glum-looking executives facing the opposite door right after City Hall station looking so desperate to repeat their monotonous work for the day. Watching the mob of people queueing/squeezing for the escalator. Hello? Ever heard of this latest invention called Staircase? Walking through the morning rush of tik-tik-tok-tok of heels and leather shoes. Searching hard for tables at the hawker centre during lunch, see one empty from far, then realise there are packs of tissue paper/the sample facial foam they were giving out at the traffic light on the seats. It had been such an experience.

By the way, the suit/cufflinks/briefcase/bluetooth headset look plus working in the CBD combo certainly appeals more than the coverall/spanner/boots/greasy hands look plus working at Changi combo if I were to study engineering. lol.

Speaking about Uni courses, I am still considering whether to stay with my course. I am really fearful about aerospace, especially since I think that sciences are not my strength, though I don't really know where my strength lies. Probably languages, but be a reporter/journalist/teacher? Crazy. But why choose something that I have no confidence of doing well? Hmm... Decision decisions...

Time to iron my clothes for the week and probably do some exercise. I seriously need to start running regularly. I am finally gaining weight but I am afraid most of it is from my tummy because I still look skinny as hell.

Bye.

Read more...

I need to blog.

Read more...

Well...

Read more...

78 Days to ORD

11 weeks left. That's fast... considering it was 90+ weeks when I started counting.

Was browsing on Facebook and realized plenty of people are heading overseas for studies. And some of them just makes you feel inferior. Studying Law at Oxford?! You know the college must be good when they write dictionaries for the entire world. Not to mention its LAW. Not any chapalang course. And don't remind me of the many Medicine 'friends' I have.

While here I am, contented with a place in a local university. No plans on striving for a scholarship. Not that local Us are lousy, but I just feel so unambitious.

It's time for us to seriously think about our future...

Read more...

NDP09

Years since my last post.

NS makes people dumb. And I think I have lost my ability to convert thoughts into words. I am taking minutes to finish every sentence. And that explains my reluctance to write a proper entry in such a long time.

Anyway, I am gonna try harder this time round. Blogging is actually a really good way for one to settle down and look back at the stuff that has happened, and to organise one's thoughts, something I really need at this point. Ok whatever... I am just taking baby steps, hoping to get my blogging momentum back... So don't be surprised if what I am going to write sounds really random, or like some pri sch kid wrote it.

National Day is coming this sunday and I am really excited about it. To be exact, I am looking forward to the parade itself.



My only memories of NDP was the NE show I attended when I was P5, which is like... more than 10 years back. -_- I remember how everyone had so much fun on that day, although we probably didn't realise what the NE show was all about anyway.



Some people think NDP is dumb. They think its just a parade followed by some artistic performances which no one understands or watches anyway. I actually agree to that to a certain extent.



Yet, every year I balloted for the tickets. I guess I wanted another experience of the atmosphere I was in 11 years back at the National Stadium. I remember how everyone got really excited and 'patriotic' on that night, singing National Day songs, screaming at the fighter jets etc. But I was never lucky enough to get the tickets.



This year, I got lucky and I get to be at the parade without any tickets. Not only that, I get to spend my fridays and saturdays (and some thursdays) at the floating platform and watch the combined rehearsals and NE show every week for the past 7 weeks.



But I don't get to sit at the spectator stand though. Basically my company is in charge of all the gates and stage entrances you can find at the floating platform. We listen to our walkie talkies or headsets and wait for the cue master's cue and give the green light for the performers to enter at the correct timing because everything in NDP has to be synchronised and on-the-dot. I am lucky because my gate is small and we only have around 5 cues. :) And the gate is in the centre right beside the president! That means good view! But its abit low though. =/



After so many rehearsals, we are all so familiar with the sequence of the show, and the music stays in your head. I am so addicted to the music that I loaded all the songs on my iPod. And I really like this year's theme song despite all the negative comments. Just because it doesn't blare words like 'blah blah blah Singapore!' doesn't mean its not nice... Its different! And those who thinks it has no climax should just watch how it makes everyone high during the finale, before everyone quietens down for the pledge.



Another benefit of being involved in NDP is we get to watch the fireworks display every week. It just doesn't get old because the fireworks always make the audience scream in excitement. I was so disappointed to miss the previous 2 shows. Instead of watching the fireworks in awe, I was standing at the sentry post in camp like an idiot.



I don't want to rant, but apparently everyone thought it was fair to choose me to do guard duty on 2 consecutive saturdays and unfair for anyone else chosen, despite it being my 5th duty in 2 months, because... yes i have an extra to clear... although the duty was originally planned for next friday, and the reason I got an extra in the very first place was because... yes i was late... but my PS was also pissed at me... because I was pissed at him for choosing me for weekend duty when my last 3 duties were all on weekends and off days. Basically it was a very tragic and dark and lonely period in my life because I felt like I was doing endless weekend duties. Fair... fair my *****.

Ok... I said I don't want to rant. I just pray that everything will go well and no one suddenly realises its fair to choose me for guard duty this sunday as well.



I might even be on MC that day because I am plucking my wisdom teeth tomorrow and I am expecting at least a few days of MC. But heck I wouldn't miss the actual NDP even if my mouth is bleeding and my cheeks are swollen.



Weeks of rehearsals just for the 9th of August. It kinda saddens me to know that it will be ending so soon.

Everyone should really watch this year's NDP, either rob or steal a ticket or watch it on TV, because everyone that has watched the rehearsals thinks this year's NDP is one of the best!

Unlike previous NDPs where the segments were disconnected and the show was really chim and confusing with so many things running around, this year's NDP is integrated into one show just like a concert with 10 bite-sized chapters through a timeline of Singapore. Every chapter has its own theme and a single performance so its much easier to absorb. My favourite chapters are chapter 8 and the last chapter because thats when they start singing the emo National Day songs, and obviously when they start to spam the fireworks. The best part is at the very end, halfway during the climax of the national anthem, they sneakily fires the nicest fireworks of all, the glittery ones. Emo to the max lor!

Haha... so that's all I have to say. I am praying my wisdom teeth extraction tomorrow will be as painless as possible... Gotta rest. :)

Read more...

3 months

It has been more than 3 months since my last entry.

Yet I am at a loss for words.

Read more...

Jensen

It has been so long since my last entry. All these time I have been keeping everything to myself, so much so that I am now constipated and exploding with ideas.

And I feel obliged to blog today because of a particular incident. This was what happened...

So today we volleyball guys met up to catch (supposedly) Slumdog Millionaire at GV Vivo. I booked the tickets the day before and got some really good seats for the 8 of us. I was pretty excited about the movie because of the high ratings and all the Oscars blah blah and stuffs.

So we met and proceeded to the cinema. When we walked pass the person-tearing-the-stub, she requested to see our ICs because the movie was rated NC16. Some of us took our IC out but she was obviously too busy serving the incoming movie-goers, so we just walked away.

We entered the cinema. Sat down on the top 2 rows of seats which had such great view. Less than a minute, I haven't even settled myself down, a guy in the GV uniform came in and waved our ticket stubs at us.

Jensen.

The theatre was so noisy and we couldn't make out what he wanted so I left my seat and figured he wanted us to "get out" of the theatre. He wanted to check our ICs.

So one by one we took out our 11Bs, until it was minkai's turn, and it turned out he did not bring his 11B out. Jensen said any other forms of printed identification was possible, but he happened to have lost his wallet the day before and simply had no forms of identification to indicate that he was 16 and above. Sternly, Jensen declared "then we cannot let you in".

We tried some forms of persuasion, proposing calling his camp, convincing him that it was so obvious all of us are NSFs etc but none was accepted. Zhenwei even tried 'lending' his EZ-link to mk while Jensen wasn't looking, but he was smart enough to gather and check the ic numbers. MK suprisingly managed to memorise the NRIC, but zw recited the same nric. =/ Basically, dear Jensen accepted nothing else other than mk to magically produce some form of identification.

He then proposed that the 7 of us watch the movie, supposedly leaving mk to sit outside and wait for us or catch Ponyo on the Cliff by himself; or for the 8 of us to change to another movie, which was equally ridiculous considering all the couples in Singapore have coincidentally decided to date today, causing all the tickets for most movies to be sold out till almost midnight. (He had the cheek to tell us Valkryie had 1 seat left)

In the end, we managed to get a refund. And went for a short meal at the foodcourt, then went to Dhoby Ghaut desperately trying to find LAN shops with slots, which was not surprisingly, impossible, because there are countless other pathetic bachelors like us who decided to spend the whole Valentine's killing zombies. Basically, the outing was screwed up and a total disaster and a waste of our time and money, other than a chance for us to meetup.

So back to Jensen. I was really tempted to write about what a stubborn, inflexible, rude, fat, disgusting, a-hole attendant he was. I wanted to curse and swear at him and hope he will never get a Valentine's date in his lifetime. Because I reasoned how he could have just closed-one-eye and let us go, considering that he had nothing to lose by doing that. I wanted to blame everything on him.

But then I thought otherwise. He might be a sad, overweight, underpaid movie attendant who was just jealous at us for at least having a bunch of other singles to catch a movie with on Valentine's, but he was just doing his job. He wasn't exactly polite, but we weren't exactly the perfect customers either, considering we ignored the person-tearing-the-stub's request and even attempted to trick Jensen.

What I am thinking was that everything might have been resolved if we had tried to talk to him nicely.

If only one of us had attempted to convince him that it was Valentine's and it wasn't easy for us to book the tickets and go all the way down to meet at Vivo and catch a movie.
That it was obvious mk was older than 16 and we had no reason to lie to him. We just wanted to watch the movie and definitely get no kick in bringing a 15.99 year old mk into the cinema to spite him.
That we didn't know about the 'house rules' and mk just happened to have lost his wallet and forgotten to bring his 11B. Some sympathy?
That it wouldn't make a difference to him whether we get to watch the movie (unless he was trying to sell our much-sought after tickets to others), but it would make a BIG difference to the 8 of us if we could just spend the 2 hours watching Slumdog Millionaire.

I believe anyone human enough with a heart wouldn't mind giving in to us and let us go. Even if he still doesn't allow us to enter, it wouldn't be too late for us to call him a FREAKING STUCK-UP BASTARD. At least we would have known that we tried.

What I think is that sometimes we are so rash and impatient that we try to solve our problems with anger and a bad temper, when things might have turned out the other way round if we could just try to talk things out harmoniously... =/

Phew, it feels good to get things off my mind... And anw, I still want to catch Slumdog Millionaire. :)

Read more...

Inferior

The new specs came this week. Lots of unfamiliar faces...

It sucks because they are from the same batch as I am. The difference is that they have 3 bars on their arms while mine is empty.

eee...

Just makes me feel so... er... lousy. Its like you and your bunch of classmates. One day, all your classmates disappeared. Half a year later, they suddenly return. But now, they are not your classmates anymore. They are your teachers who have learned stuffs you haven't, and are much more knowledgeable than you are. They went through much more and as such you have to listen to them, learn from them, greet them.

They ask you to sit, you sit.
ask you to stand, you stand.
You march, they walk.
You senang diri, they cross their arms in front of them.

Made me emo again just like the first few nights I got posted here.

Its sad... But I gotta be optimistic! Looking on the bright side, I get much more free time and have less responsibility! :) I have more time to slack in bunk and my job is simpler! They may get cocky because they have higher ranks, but out of camp and after ORD, who cares?! Lalalaa... And ya, they earn $200 more every month... But lets look at it this way... 500, 700, 1000 etc. If we don't look at it relatively, the fact is - they are all meagre as monthly pay! WAHAHA...

Ok, I feel much better now! I shall not feel inferior :)

Gotta book in soon. 55 more weeks to ORD. huh~

Read more...

1 month later

It was almost another blog-less month. I almost din realise how much time has passed until I saw that the last post was on 07 Sep. So im here to revive my blog with probably another monthly update!

Seriously, I don't really recall or want to recall what happened in the past month. As always, the weekdays were lousy and the weekends were good. I have had many random thoughts but by the time I get to the blog window they always seem unsubstantial for an entry. Probably explains why I twitter more instead. Or probably a huge slice of my life and thoughts now is simply mundane.

Time flies now. 57 more weeks to ORD. I find joy in editing the countdown on my phone screen, deducting the number every bookout. Almost half of NS is gone for good, and im looking forward to the 1-year-left mark in 5 weeks!

Camp life has been... as usual. It may seem like I am already accustomed to life there, but I guess I have just gotten better at distancing myself from everything there now, living in my own bubble, just like how some people live in their own world of conceitedness.

I was just slightly disgusted when someone can actually perceive my silent despair as acceptance and content. Probably by fabricating the fact the I am enjoying the sucky life right now will serve as a contrast to the unknowing others and show them how 'determined' you are in trying to find another way out by speaking to the higher authority, which, by the way, I have no idea about at all. And best of all you drop a bomb on me telling others I didn't ask for it because I am "having a good life now". Don't you just hate it when some people can just voice out their assumptions as if they are facts?

I am too tired to try and talk through people who are so full of themselves that they think they are always right.

And I am tired of all the irrationality, selfishness, backstabbing, suspicion, assumptions, hypocrisy, changing faces and excessive vulgarities... the list goes on.

Ok now I am complaining too much. I should just blame myself for being different.

On a slightly happier note, isotretinoin is starting to take effect on me. My face is starting to clear after almost 2 months (how time flies~) into the medication. The only side effect now is still really dry lips which look unpleasantly red and hurts at times. It is really satisfying to find my face less oily and notice that less pimples are popping out. Though now I find that my face looks redder and the scars look scarily obvious under strong light probably because of the shedding of the topmost layer of skin. Still, it is comforting to know that the scars will only get better.

My parents now know about me taking the medication now. Guess I couldn't really keep it a secret with my lips like that. My father discourages me from taking it as usual, but surprisingly my mother don't seem to be showing disapproval. Probably she understands my desperation and decision, but the fact is I never told her the possible side-effects.

I feel so guilty when she gets concerned about my dry lips and asking me whether this medicine like some western drugs will hurt the liver. I can only keep mum though I know that liver damage is exactly one of the listed possible side-effect. I feel so selfish sometimes.

But probably only acne-sufferers can understand the damage acne has on one psychologically. When people do not look at you in the eye when they speak to you, while kids stare unforgivingly. When you hate looking at yourself in the mirror and taking photos. When you rather stay at home than go out, and even if you do you put on cover creams which clog the pores even more. When you walk down the street looking down. When you see someone so beautiful you hope she looks at your direction, but when she really does, you panic and try to hide knowing your acne is an eyesore. When people call you mor peng while you are saddened by the fact that you are eternally flawed. When you understand not to judge a book by its cover, but you wonder whether anyone would actually be even interested to flip to your contents page.

I can only say that taking isotretinoin is a risk worth taken in order to have clear skin, something I have been yearning for for years. Guess I only dare to say so because I am lucky to have experienced no major side effect until now, but choy! :)

Enough about acne. Yesterday I went to my aunt's house to visit her 1-week-old baby boy. Funny thing is for the past 9 months since her wedding I didn't even know she was pregnant and now out of a sudden I have a new cousin! (how time flies~)



So cute right? Eyes so big.





Muahaha! My finger is longer than your arm! :X





:) Hopefully I get to visit him when he man3 yue4, which by then he most probably would have grown much bigger.

This week is gonna be boring without my iPod which I have sent for 'repair'. The 1 year warranty was going to end tomorrow so I brought my iPod to the service centre and 'claimed' that the battery life is getting short and she told me I can get a replacement in 3 days. Its most probably gonna be a refurbished set but it will be as good as new. Regretted a little not to keep the 'rife' engraving though, but that would take 3 weeks time. =/ Woohoo, new iPod! Btw the battery life was still good though there was a small fault with the Hold switch. :X

Gonna be a boring week. But I borrowed some books so it should be fine. :) 57 weeks to ORD.

Read more...

Waalllllllllll·Eeee

Wall·E is nice!!! It was worth the 2-months wait.

Its damn cute! Even cuter than Guido in Cars. The story may be a little simple, but I like how its told with minimal dialogue. And Wall·E's determination and innocence was just touching! 9/10! :)

By the way, watching the movie sitting in the centre of the last row in the large GVmax theatre was so shiok! =) Wallll·EEee!

Read more...

RIP

04012007 - 31082008

You passed away while I was away. You probably waited till Sunday, thinking I would be home. I am still wondering why you left so fast. I thought your life span was longer? Did your friend bite you? I am sorry that I ignored the squeaks at night. I should have separated you after the injury.

I remember bringing you two home. You were the active one, running around in the plastic container while your friend stood motionless. You were the fatter one. While your friend was curious about the new running wheel, you ate till your cheeks were full.

You were the friendly one. I would stroke your fur on your head and back while you were eating and you wouldn't mind. You probably were just more concerned about finishing your food. You were the gentle one. Your friend would always snatch food away from your hands (See above photo). No wonder you always ran to a corner and ate your food fast.

I was so worried when you were injured, but was relieved when you recovered. How would I know you would be gone in less than a month time. Sorry for the time I neglected you. Now you leave your friend alone in the tank which now appears empty. She would be sleeping alone now, and will have the wheel to herself now. Maybe she is happier this way, but I am sure she will miss your company sooner or later.

I didn't know how much I missed you until I look at your photos and go to the tank and realised that you aren't there anymore. I was surprised why I wasn't sad when I got the news, but it was until night time that I felt overwhelmed by grief.

Thank you for accompanying me for the past 21 months. I will remember your big butt and funny antics. Hope you rest in peace over the rainbow bridge.

Read more...

Ow. My chin...

Unlucky unlucky... My whole of yesterday was spent at the polyclinic and Tan Tock Seng Hospital.

Slipped and fell down at home and hit my chin on a slightly elevated tile piece. I don't even want to remember how i fell... The floor was slippery because I just finished bathing and made it wet and my feet was slightly slippery from the soap. I can only blame myself for being so careless.

I walked too fast while making a U-turn into the kitchen and my feet skidded and I fell on my knees. My hands tried to find support from the side of the entrance, but I skidded more and my whole head thumped on, of all things, the edge of the piece of tile lined along the entrance. I remember being shocked for a while and I went to the toilet looking into the mirror to see a 2cm horizontal blood wound just under my chin and a smaller one underneath it. (turned out I thumped twice) Sorry for the extremely graphical description, but you most probably read it already anyway.

Soon the wound had blood flowing profusely and I realised it was quite a deep wound and being at the chin, it was an open wound. I find it quite funny that the first thing I thought when I saw the wound was the scar that will be there when it heals, while the wound itself is too gushing out blood like mad. Its not as if I don't have enough scars on my face, in fact I have MORE THAN ENOUGH, but a new and bigger one just saddens me. Its like already having a moon with all the craters, and what's worse, meteorites are still constantly striking on it. Its just very very bad. Sigh.. Ha... look what the society has done to our generation, making us all superficial and materialistic. Not my fault.

Anyway, my brother happend to come home when I fell, and he helped me stopped the bleeding with ice. Surprisingly the wound wasn't that painful, if not totally painless. So we stopped the bleeding and covered it with gauze and I decided to go to the polyclinic a few hours later.

I waited the longest ever at the polyclinic. Was there at 8am and left the place at 1pm. Waited a full 3 hours to see the doctor, and was told that I missed my number. Either they skipped their number so dramatically, from 2030 to 2097, or I am sure the number just mysteriously morphed from the 2000s to 2100s without my approval. Urgh! Ok I admit I left the waiting area alot of times, because I didn't bring my iPod along and you can't expect me to sit there for 3 hours like an idiot right. And the stupid TV there was showing talk shows, but the volume was OFF. -_- So I had no choice but to go to the other waiting area to watch Tyra and Oprah with the volume on. -___-" I would check the queue number so frequently, only to see that it has jumped by 3 numbers. (until it mysteriously jumped by 100 numbers that is)

Finally I met my doctor and the consultation took 3 minutes. He was uncertain whether stitching was needed, so he sent me for an X-ray first, then go to dress my wound. The X-ray was the biggest mistake in my life. (I make alot of big mistakes in my life) More about it later... After the dressing the doctor says the wound was deeper than he thought and decided to send me for stitching at Tan Tock Seng.

My brother and sister-in-law accompanied me there, and my sister-in-law followed me to the A&E while my brother went Funan to send his spoilt hard-disk. The A&E department was pretty small because it was undergoing some renovation. I always thought A&E department of hospitals seems pretty scary and hectic. All the nurses and doctors do their work and walk around at double speed, like they are prepared to stop and drop to their knees at anytime to give someone CPR and resuscitate the patient back to life.

I waited apprehensively for my turn, worried about the pain of stitching. :( Finally it was my turn and I met my doctor who asked me some procedural questions to make sure I was conscious and alert and to fill up some forms. The doctor was so young and looked like a JC girl because she was so small-sized. I was prepared to say "OK nurse, are you done already? Can I see my doctor now?" when she told me "OK now, I am going to bring you for stitching".

And also, the doctor was perplexed about why I had my X-ray taken because she said it was unnecessary. !!! The doctor at the polyclinic wanted to check for fractures, but she said it wasn't needed for my case. And so I was innocently zapped so many times under X-ray, for no reason. What's worse is that the radiologist took X-ray on my head at different angles plenty times. What's even worse is that some of the photos weren't well-taken and they were taken a few more times. WTH! You may be a camwhore yourself, but how could you shoot my head with X-ray so many times because you weren't experienced. I wonder how much of my cells died because of it. =(

Ok, back to the young female doctor. :) She may look young, but at least she seems experienced and sounded professional. She said my wound was small, but looking at it myself, I wonder what bigger lacerations she had to treat.

The next moment we were in the operating theatre. The doctor and nurse tried to tell me whatever they did on me. I only wished they had given me more time to prepare for it. The big lamps above the bed was exactly as depicted in TV. "Whoosh!" and it blinded my eyes. "The lights are pretty bright so you should close your eyes." They proceeded with preparing for the stitching and the nurse called me 'Sir' so many times, and I had like 10 minutes of intense self-gratification.

I was covered with a surgical cloth so I could only roughly watch what they were doing, not like I wanted to watch. She first cleaned the wound with antiseptic using a cotton wool. She rubbed it so hard and haphazardly like she was cleaning a baby's ass.

"I am cleaning your wound with antiseptic liquid. Now I am going to inject a painkiller into the wound itself."

At that point of time, the thinking side-bubble emerging from my head was probably written "OMG WTH! ?! That sounds PAINFUL!" I had thought the anesthetic would be injected at the side or what to numb the whole area, but definitely not into the wound itself?!

Without further notice, whoosh~ and the needle entered the wound and I felt a piercing pain, but that was as much pain as I felt throughout the stitching.

"Now you will start to feel numb and you shouldn't feel any pain. If you do, just voice out to us. You will probably just feel a pulling sensation."

Thinking bubble: "Omg.. 'pulling sensation'. How gross..."

So I lied there, nervous like mad while awaiting the first needle. But turn out I wasn't really certain when the stitching started because my chin was numb, luckily. Halfway through the stitching, she asked me,

"Are you feeling any pain?"

I said, "No..o.."

"You are just very nervous?"

"Ya.. (duh! Am I wrong to be feeling nervous when you are sewing the skin around my wound like its a piece of cloth?)"

And she wasn't gentle with it at all, pulling the stitches hard to make sure they are tight, before the nurse cut off the excess thread. "I think I will put 1 last one here!" And she ended the stitching, and pressed on the stitching to count them. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5,...7. 7+3. 7 on the big one and 3 on the small one. So a total of 10 stitches" I didn't know the smaller wound needed stitching...

After that I was to be given a tetanus injection by the nurse. "You can take a deep breath first." But before I even suck in the first millilitre of air, the needle was already into my arm. Ow. And that was the end of the stitching. The wound wasn't bandaged and we were told it didn't have to be covered, though my sister-in-law bought some post-op plasters anyway. I don't want to scare people with the stitching. And I was given a measly 2days MC, which was, erm, useless. Would probably go to the MO on monday to see what I can get from the kaopeh MO. Gotta go remove the stitch 5 days later too.

Now the wound is still hurting a little, and I have to disinfect and apply antibiotic cream everyday to make sure its clean. Its gonna be troublesome to do so in camp. And I will be going out these 2 days with the ugly plaster on my chin. :( Pray it heals fast and leaves an untraceable scar.

Read more...

AHM

So the most-expensive-taxi-ride amounted to a whooping S$24.90. 'Whooping' for my standards since I always try to avoid taking taxis. And the taxi rides that I used to take to school in the morning whenever I oversleep (pretty often) and whenever I feel rich or had a feeling that my CT wouldn't be in a good mood that day or I am simply tired of owing yet another CS... (you see how I justifies my need to take the taxi, though only to arrive late, still) The fare usually maxed at $12. And "whooping" because its is a sizable 5% of my monthly allowance. "Whooping" because...

Fine. I am just stingy. (or financially conscious :))

But whats more frustrating is to realise that me and my other bunkmate were the only ones told to reach at 0515 while others were told 0645. I could well have taken the mrt instead... since the run only started at 0730. Damn... I still can't get over my $25 bucks. I'm tired of being the obedient (and dumb) guy listening to instructions! Next time I shall just do things my way.

By the way, I think I didn't mention, all these were for the Army Half Marathon at Marina Bay so we had to reach the Padang super early. I thought a run at Marina Bay should be quite fun, at least better than going outfield, walking on grass. It turned out the morning rain and footsteps of thousands of sexy NS guys in PT kit made the Padang the worst place ever to walk on. The ground was totally muddy and looks like those chocolate flowing in a chocolate fondue machine. I was sure I was sinking. And I made the greatest mistake to wear my slippers there. It just 'piak! piak! piak!' along the way and my whole back was dirtied by soil.

Btw, saw quite a lot of familiar faces there. Hwachong people and my bmt bunkmates. Most of them entered command school. Except of course for Wengwoh whom I met at the start of the run and ran with him for the whole 10k while chatting about our lives now. And he is still relentlessly trying to convince me that being a specialist is not much better. -_-

Seriously, I don't blame him for my plight now. Despite me always telling others that "my friend psycho-ed me to put 'no'" whenever someone asks me why, it is actually more an excuse for me for the fact that I was afraid I wasn't cut out to be a commander. Sure he influenced me along the way and sort of made me feel obligated, but I told myself that it was my own decision when I shaded the circle for 'no'. I wanted to put the blame on him, but I knew I could only blame myself.

And now I can only feel pity at all the things that I am missing out. While I enviably look at others celebrating their POP as a trained specialist and soon-to-be commissioned officers, I can only look back at my past 5 months in my unit (I realise it has been exactly 5 months) seemingly wasted. So many days I just sleep through the day, waking only for meals. While others are meeting new friends, bonding together outfield, going through shit, training to be a good leader, I am here stuck with the same few bunkmate quarreling and blaming each other about minute stuffs.

Sometimes I get so bored I stare at the ceiling on bed and feel 'wasted' for I know that there is so much more that I can do, so much more that I can learn, instead of spending my time here as a man waiting for instructions. Some may think that its fortunate to be able to slack everyday, but the pride in me just can't bear the humiliation and degradation sometimes.

Fine, I've wallowed enough. I can see many people moving their mouse pointer to the top right-hand corner already.

I don't feel like sleeping yet though I need to book in tomorrow morning super early again at 0730. I should just be super late! (as if...) Field camp for 3 days from Tuesday, and confined for live firing for the weekend. Its gonna be another long week in camp... sigh!

Blog again soon.

Read more...

Life is a game of choice, luck, and waiting...

Another week has passed. 65 more weeks till ORD and still counting... while my sergeant has only 95 days left.

Was watching NDP on TV... So envious of those who got the tickets. 6 years of e-balloting and not even 1 ticket... But I had the chance to go to the floating platform for the first time on thursday for an observance parade. The bus took us from camp and travelled past more than half of Singapore, travelling on PIE, passing by National Stadium, Singapore Flyer and finally Marina Bay where the skyline got in view. It was 6am in the morning and I couldn't sleep although I didn't have enough sleep. I was just so captivated by the Singapore scenery at dusk. I felt so patriotic that I was seriously considering working as a tour guide then I can introduce our beautiful country to all the tourists.

Haha. serious. All the NE in school really worked on me.

And the floating platform was just fantastic with the flyer beside and the skyline in full view. Coincidentally, I took a photo of the skyline 2 years back right at the bayside before the floating platform was built on it...



But guess my patriotism doesn't show any more than words, because im totally disliking my life now as an NSF, defending the country. Haha...

Life isn't getting any much better these days in camp. I am just dreading it even more every book-in. Book-outs are incredibly short-lived and im constantly on emo mode. I feel like im losing so much as the days passed by, my humour, confidence, temper, laughter and smile... Simple things can easily affect and influence my mood and thoughts and very often I have the urge to tear.

And the people around me just makes it worse. Im already making myself as harmless as possible, but yet im still faced with criticism, cynicism and suspicion every single day. Its really tiring mentally to have to keep my cool while maintaining the fragile relationship. And for the first time in my life (at least I think), someone thinks I am a 'b*st*rd' and 'sl*ck*r'. Maybe there were others in the past, but definitely not as blatant. I feel like I have to explain my every action and make all my efforts seen and witnessed and proven.

Screw it.

Life just sucks. And it just reminds me of the decision I made and regretted. Seeing my sergeants and officers just make me filled with envy and regret. Then reading blog entries of friends, classmates, seniors in command school, looking at their photos of commisioning parades, overseas exercises, pops etc. just makes me feeling jealous and inferior; not because of what they have, but because of my decision leading to all these that I am missing.

Damn it... 5 months later I am still at square 1.

Anyway, I am still stuck in my dilemma of whether to take isotretinoin. Days ago I was quite decided on going on with it and yesterday I went for the blood test. But upon reading more I got more cautious of the side-effects. Undeniably, its a strong medicine and can almost definitely clear my acne, but the side-effects include really dry skin, aching joints, depression and liver damage. Its said to be temporary and disappear after the course end, but I've read that a minority are still suffering from the side-effects many years later.

I had thought that the possibility of curing my acne will outweigh all the cons so I should just go for it, but its my body and there will be no turning back once I decide to start the course. Sigh... will have to think about it more before my next appointment.

Will be having a 1-week exercise outfield, that means my next weekend will be gone. But it will be given back on the following week meaning a long weekend. I'm not excited about the exercise at all... Haven't been outfield for missions for too long...

And another week of waiting continues...

;'(

Read more...

Of camp and hamsters

Hey.. Realised not many are updating their blogs these days. Haha.. except for zhexi, and boon who post entries as long as my twitter posts. Think now the easier way to find out what everyone is doing is to go to Facebook and stalk look at the photos.

Btw talking about zhexi, I have to say that I've the same feeling as those you posted on ur latest entry, again. ! Its weird how I see my feelings reading your posts, because my written english is degrading everyday and I couldn't express it in my own words.

I too think that I am still myself with the same personality. The only change may be my way of looking at things. But something I feel im definitely losing is my ability to make people laugh and think of niao-rebuttals in a blink in conversations. Probably all the mental work is still going on in my brain but im not saying them out. Probably the people around me now is just of a completely different frequency, like 100MHz? Or probably they just have no sense of humour. Makes me kinda miss time back then when people around me would just laugh without me even trying, compared to now when I try so hard and what I get is a straight and direct "you think you very funny is it?". Urgh.

Really hate life in camp these days. Makes me want to escape from it everytime I book-in, or just pluck my earphones in and isolate myself, from the environment, the people. Kinda sucks know that you are just yourself and theres no one to stand up for you. I don't feel any sense of belonging to that place at all, unlike in my class at school or platoon/section during BMT.

Some people are so full of themselves at times, thinking they are always right. Its really annoying. Its so ridiculous that I find no reason to explain, but that just makes them feel like they have succeeded. Ha.. Everything could have been much easier if everyone put in their effort and have some trust on the team, not suspicion or belittlement. At least I know it worked in my school, vball team and bmt platoon/section.

Facing all the false fronts and changing faces nowadays just makes me miss life back then, especially school even more. We may act like retards, but at least we were humble and true to ourselves... Haha..

Ok. Enough of complaints. I suspect the wound on my hamster is caused by fighting, which I had thought was quite improbable because the 2 have been living together forever, eat sleep shit together and they have never injured each other, apart from the squeaking at night. But seeing that the wound is so unreachable for the hamster itself, it seems unlikely to be caused by scratching... Sigh, Im just worried because I wouldn't want to separate those 2 furballs, (partly because I don't have another tank), but more imptly they would be so lonely.



Now that I've separated them because of the infection, the one in the tank is just incredibly lonely with no one to sleep with, nimble on and fight for the wheel with. The injured one is just going claustrophobic being in a small container with nothing except tissue.

Anyway just hope the wound heals fast and not worsen anymore. Have been trying to clean the wound these 2 days and hopefully my family would help me do it when im in camp.. And I would come home welcomed by a smelly but healthy hamster.

On a side note (learnt from kiameng because im tired of anyways and btws), I've splurging so much these days. Bought clothes, books, accessories for my iPod, and this super cool and noise isolating earphones which actually my brother is sponsoring me. Hehe. Now I can sleep through chatters and PSP noises and moving tanks at night. :)



Haha just hao-lianing. Btw I gotta book-in super early today at 6pm. Sucks because I have to return my overdue library books. But I will be coming back on Thursday because of the 8 days exercise next week. And I am most probably going for the blood test on Friday at NSC... Think I will be switching to isotretinoin anyway... =/ And Im the only idiot who likes to go to his medical appointments on his off days because he is afraid to get off passes. -_-

Ok gtg. Blog again.

Read more...

Poor hamster

Caution: Bloody image in post.

Ok, you probably already saw it before you read the caution.

:( Just cleansed the wound and took a photo. It looks damn painful.

Sigh. Camera flash makes everything look glaringly clear..



Heal fast please.

Read more...

Irresponsible

It has been a long time since I cleaned my hamster tank. And I was too lazy to even do so during the 1-week block leave. But I promised myself that I was gonna change it this weekend!

But to my horror, when I got home, my mum told me one of them has an exposed wound on its back. Took a look, and urgh there was pus and it sure looked so painful...

And it has to be the dirty tank which caused the infection... Talk about how damn guilty I felt. Although it doesn't look affected, still running around as usual, but I felt so damn apologetic...! :( I realised how negligent and irresponsible I was...

Disinfected it and isolated it in a container with fresh tissues... Hope the wound heals fast. :(

Sorry hamster.

Read more...

Back to school

I told myself I will blog today, finally. Instead of drafting so many entries on my (boring) reflections on army life, I should probably update on recent events. More so since I'm having my 1-week block leave now. :)

Woke up early in the morning for my skin centre appointment yesterday. Happen to meet my pri sch classmate who was also from hwachong on the MRT. But I think I din even speak to her once in the entire 2 years of JC life. Aiya, I shy mah. Haha... But this time round she said hi to me and we chatted. So a simple 'Hello' started a chat between the 2 of us who haven't done so for 6 years.

She happened to be going to the skin centre as well for follow-up appointment. Haha, coincidences. It was helpful anyway because it was my first time there and she brought me there. Haha. We did not really reminescence about our pri sch days, but we talked about how our other classmates are doing now. And she talked about her class, which as far as I know, and as she reassured, was quite chui3. Haha. Wengwoh and Edwin in her class leh... :X Haha.

So I met my doctor/dermatologist. She recommended me anti-biotics again or trying this medicine called isotretinoin which was actually the medicine I had read about by another name. It will be more effective but the side effects may be worse but hopefully not permanent. She gave me time to make the choice before the next appointment. And I left with the usual creams and anti-biotics that I've been prescribed before in polyclinics.

I can already imagine my parents' disapproval for me to take the isotretinoin treatment, considering that they are already very against me taking anti-biotics. They believe anti-biotics harms the body, just like most Western drugs, which I actually kind of agree with. Which was why I ended so many anti-biotics treatment before the course intended for the past few years, thinking that I can maintain the improved condition based on my incredible willpower without taking the medicine. Unfortunately, the stupid acne always return.

My parents blame me for not taking good care of my skin, for sleeping late and eating too much fried food, which I kind of agree with again. But I think I've done what I could with these habits, and the acne just show no signs of improving. But the 'cures' proposed by my parents doesn't sound exactly feasible either.

My father's wonderful treatment includes consuming doses of various vitamin pills regularly. And my mother employs the traditional methods.. too traditional sometimes. She would boil green bean drinks and others 'cooling' drinks, which I thought "Hmm fine, no harm anyway". But her recent treatments which she learned from her friends include washing the face with assam (not the chilli) followed with an egg face mask. She also proposed bringing me to Malaysia where there is someone who places some kind of worm which supposedly sucks out the toxins in your skin, and is effective for acne skins. =/

Ok, before everyone shoots my mum and say that she is crazy... I have to admit I actually trusted some of her remedies. :X I read somewhere that the egg face mask was effective. Lol.. Anyway, she is probably just as desperate as me. But sadly, these remedies either take a long time (or doesn't work at all), and I have no time to risk having more scars at my ripe age of 19. So I just gotta rely on antibiotics for the time being, and hopefully stick to it. Just hope the anti-biotics still work so I wouldn't need to take the isotretinoin. My irritating acne has haunt me for a long enough time...

After the skin centre visit, I needed to find a way to school to collect my graduation certificate. Newton happened to be just a few bus-stops away, so I decided to walk there to take a bus. I believe Adult EZ-link fares make us healthier. And along the walk, I thought maybe I could take some photos.

But I ended walking more than I had intended. I found my way to Newton Circus and could well have taken a bus to school from there. But then waikuan told me they would be late and it was still super early. So the act-smart me thought maybe I could walk to Far East Plaza from there to look at some stuffs. And I walk along one of the road leading from Newton Circus and I saw this hospital-looking building which I thought was Gleneagles Hospital or Alexandra Hospital which to my knowledge was very near to Orchard.

It turned out to be my dear Kandang Kerbau Women's and Children's Hospital. By then I was already totally confused between all these hospitals which are situated so incredibly close to one another, and still thought I was on the correct route. So I smiled at the pregnant women and babies and continued walking. But eventually I realise that I was walking the wrong way because I started to see CTE. So I walked one big round around KK, got totally sweaty and tired, and finally returned to the evil Newton Circus.

Grr.. Bought a sugarcane drink from Newton Food Centre and took a bus to school finally. I was still slightly early. Lol.

Anyway, gotta post the photos I took!







I guess Im really suaka because I totally din realise these beautiful buildings existed. But what was even more beautiful was all the luxurious condominums in the Newton area.














I was so jealous of anyone who lived there! All of them looked damn extravagant with lush greeneries at the entrance and high-ceiling lobbies and classy sounding names. What blah blah suites la, blah blah mansion la, blah blah royale la. Or others like The Huntington, 24@Newton, Newton One. Super seh lor... Unlike the condominiums I have here in Woodlands. Rosewood. Casablanca. Booo... boring. And no wait, its Casabanca because the 'l' has dropped off. -_-

-----

And so I headed to school! Met up with waikuan and zhiyun who were the only ones free.



Wee school!!



WEE school!








I miss school... After collecting the certificate we went to find our teachers. We went to find Mrs Leo but she wasn't at her desk and no other teachers we knew were there. But we turned our head back and saw Mrs Leo walking in! Haha. She probably hasn't recovered from her days of pregnancy because she walked like there was still a baby in her stomach. Lol.

We chatted. She asked about how our other classmates are doing. About the universities the girls will be going, who's going overseas etc. Then she showed us videos of her baby boy. He is super cute because he has such big eyes and chubby cheeks. Lol. Then Mrs Leo went for her consultation with her students, which reminded me its already almost August and the juniors are probably mugging hard for their promos and As. :)

And we saw Mrs Cheng! We were really lucky to see her because it was her first day back after maternity leave. I guess pregnant teachers is the trend now. Haha. Kinda hard to imagine skinny Mrs Cheng having a baby! But there it is, she gave birth to a baby girl, and she is still as skinny as before. Haha. We saw Mrs Ong twice too from far and either she is still slimming down or she is having another baby. Haha.

We chatted for quite a while with Mrs Cheng too. Really miss her! And her gentle voice (not in a stalker kind of way!). She is probably our teacher with the best temper because I have never seen her shout. And she is always so patient and concerned about us.


i love school so much i wore the fac tee. :)

We forgot to take a photo with Mrs Leo though, but I guess there will be plenty of chance in the future and with more of us present. Probably MAF. :) Really miss school and the teachers! Not forgetting they are the ones that made my As possible. Oh I don't mean Miss How and Mrs Ong aren't good. Haha all of them are really good teachers who made our JC life so memorable. Im sure they are now having a better life now not having to teach our troublesome class. Haha.



I <3<3<3 Hwachong. :)

-----

After that me and waikuan went AMK hub to catch The Dark Knight. 9.5 on IMDB and currently the #1 movie, and with so many positive reviews from friends, I had expectations! And it was pretty good.. The introduction was kinda confusing for me, or I simply have lousy interpretive skills. So I sorta dozed off a little (the morning walk was tiring). But as the plot develops it got more engaging and I stayed captivated till the end. I gotta say it wasn't my type of movies, but I was still hooked by the action. It was definitely worth the $8. Haha.

After the movie headed back to Woodlands to meet my father for dinner. And that was basically the day. Packed but eventful. :)

Blog another time. Probably on my (boring) reflections of army life.

Read more...