Damn it sucks

I hate it man. Freaking day started with me waking up late for school again. I have been late 5 times just in this 2 weeks, and 3 times in a row. I am so screwed. Dammit what happened to my new year resolution.

But as much as i want to sleep early to feel more like waking up in the morning, the homeworks come non-stop. Just yesterday I spent my whole night attempting the chem tutorial, managed to finish 3 questions before falling asleep halfway. so i went to tutorial feeling damn proud of myself but ch3ng says its not enough.

blame myself for not doing the tutorial during the holidays. as usual ch3ng used education of love. im not exactly frightful or hateful of her. i know her rationale and purpose for making us complete tutorials although we wont finish gg thru it anyway. who doesnt hope they complete ALL their tutorials all questions even those with ***challenging*** marked on them. then we can concentrate in lessons and feel smarter.

but.. i know i tried my best anw. She can talk all she want, i just know i cant fulfil wat she wants, yet. i have so little time every night, and everytime i see my bed i just want to continue what was abruptly halted in the morning. im trying harder already, but it dun seem enough at all. i feel so lousy, stupid and slack.

everything in the day just seem to go wrong.

damn. its a damn vicious cycle that i cant stop. i am constantly un-alert and drowsy. training sucks cause i cant seem to do anything right. and it dun help with all the 'do this leh, do that leh' and cold faces and voices. it just makes me go crazy. its just not my day again, i noe i sucked but i hate it too. as much as u.

damn.

how much more must i do before it ever feels enough? i feel so incapable, so useless. so much that i dun believe in encouragements anymore sometimes.

i know its all my fault.