AHM

So the most-expensive-taxi-ride amounted to a whooping S$24.90. 'Whooping' for my standards since I always try to avoid taking taxis. And the taxi rides that I used to take to school in the morning whenever I oversleep (pretty often) and whenever I feel rich or had a feeling that my CT wouldn't be in a good mood that day or I am simply tired of owing yet another CS... (you see how I justifies my need to take the taxi, though only to arrive late, still) The fare usually maxed at $12. And "whooping" because its is a sizable 5% of my monthly allowance. "Whooping" because...

Fine. I am just stingy. (or financially conscious :))

But whats more frustrating is to realise that me and my other bunkmate were the only ones told to reach at 0515 while others were told 0645. I could well have taken the mrt instead... since the run only started at 0730. Damn... I still can't get over my $25 bucks. I'm tired of being the obedient (and dumb) guy listening to instructions! Next time I shall just do things my way.

By the way, I think I didn't mention, all these were for the Army Half Marathon at Marina Bay so we had to reach the Padang super early. I thought a run at Marina Bay should be quite fun, at least better than going outfield, walking on grass. It turned out the morning rain and footsteps of thousands of sexy NS guys in PT kit made the Padang the worst place ever to walk on. The ground was totally muddy and looks like those chocolate flowing in a chocolate fondue machine. I was sure I was sinking. And I made the greatest mistake to wear my slippers there. It just 'piak! piak! piak!' along the way and my whole back was dirtied by soil.

Btw, saw quite a lot of familiar faces there. Hwachong people and my bmt bunkmates. Most of them entered command school. Except of course for Wengwoh whom I met at the start of the run and ran with him for the whole 10k while chatting about our lives now. And he is still relentlessly trying to convince me that being a specialist is not much better. -_-

Seriously, I don't blame him for my plight now. Despite me always telling others that "my friend psycho-ed me to put 'no'" whenever someone asks me why, it is actually more an excuse for me for the fact that I was afraid I wasn't cut out to be a commander. Sure he influenced me along the way and sort of made me feel obligated, but I told myself that it was my own decision when I shaded the circle for 'no'. I wanted to put the blame on him, but I knew I could only blame myself.

And now I can only feel pity at all the things that I am missing out. While I enviably look at others celebrating their POP as a trained specialist and soon-to-be commissioned officers, I can only look back at my past 5 months in my unit (I realise it has been exactly 5 months) seemingly wasted. So many days I just sleep through the day, waking only for meals. While others are meeting new friends, bonding together outfield, going through shit, training to be a good leader, I am here stuck with the same few bunkmate quarreling and blaming each other about minute stuffs.

Sometimes I get so bored I stare at the ceiling on bed and feel 'wasted' for I know that there is so much more that I can do, so much more that I can learn, instead of spending my time here as a man waiting for instructions. Some may think that its fortunate to be able to slack everyday, but the pride in me just can't bear the humiliation and degradation sometimes.

Fine, I've wallowed enough. I can see many people moving their mouse pointer to the top right-hand corner already.

I don't feel like sleeping yet though I need to book in tomorrow morning super early again at 0730. I should just be super late! (as if...) Field camp for 3 days from Tuesday, and confined for live firing for the weekend. Its gonna be another long week in camp... sigh!

Blog again soon.