1 month later

It was almost another blog-less month. I almost din realise how much time has passed until I saw that the last post was on 07 Sep. So im here to revive my blog with probably another monthly update!

Seriously, I don't really recall or want to recall what happened in the past month. As always, the weekdays were lousy and the weekends were good. I have had many random thoughts but by the time I get to the blog window they always seem unsubstantial for an entry. Probably explains why I twitter more instead. Or probably a huge slice of my life and thoughts now is simply mundane.

Time flies now. 57 more weeks to ORD. I find joy in editing the countdown on my phone screen, deducting the number every bookout. Almost half of NS is gone for good, and im looking forward to the 1-year-left mark in 5 weeks!

Camp life has been... as usual. It may seem like I am already accustomed to life there, but I guess I have just gotten better at distancing myself from everything there now, living in my own bubble, just like how some people live in their own world of conceitedness.

I was just slightly disgusted when someone can actually perceive my silent despair as acceptance and content. Probably by fabricating the fact the I am enjoying the sucky life right now will serve as a contrast to the unknowing others and show them how 'determined' you are in trying to find another way out by speaking to the higher authority, which, by the way, I have no idea about at all. And best of all you drop a bomb on me telling others I didn't ask for it because I am "having a good life now". Don't you just hate it when some people can just voice out their assumptions as if they are facts?

I am too tired to try and talk through people who are so full of themselves that they think they are always right.

And I am tired of all the irrationality, selfishness, backstabbing, suspicion, assumptions, hypocrisy, changing faces and excessive vulgarities... the list goes on.

Ok now I am complaining too much. I should just blame myself for being different.

On a slightly happier note, isotretinoin is starting to take effect on me. My face is starting to clear after almost 2 months (how time flies~) into the medication. The only side effect now is still really dry lips which look unpleasantly red and hurts at times. It is really satisfying to find my face less oily and notice that less pimples are popping out. Though now I find that my face looks redder and the scars look scarily obvious under strong light probably because of the shedding of the topmost layer of skin. Still, it is comforting to know that the scars will only get better.

My parents now know about me taking the medication now. Guess I couldn't really keep it a secret with my lips like that. My father discourages me from taking it as usual, but surprisingly my mother don't seem to be showing disapproval. Probably she understands my desperation and decision, but the fact is I never told her the possible side-effects.

I feel so guilty when she gets concerned about my dry lips and asking me whether this medicine like some western drugs will hurt the liver. I can only keep mum though I know that liver damage is exactly one of the listed possible side-effect. I feel so selfish sometimes.

But probably only acne-sufferers can understand the damage acne has on one psychologically. When people do not look at you in the eye when they speak to you, while kids stare unforgivingly. When you hate looking at yourself in the mirror and taking photos. When you rather stay at home than go out, and even if you do you put on cover creams which clog the pores even more. When you walk down the street looking down. When you see someone so beautiful you hope she looks at your direction, but when she really does, you panic and try to hide knowing your acne is an eyesore. When people call you mor peng while you are saddened by the fact that you are eternally flawed. When you understand not to judge a book by its cover, but you wonder whether anyone would actually be even interested to flip to your contents page.

I can only say that taking isotretinoin is a risk worth taken in order to have clear skin, something I have been yearning for for years. Guess I only dare to say so because I am lucky to have experienced no major side effect until now, but choy! :)

Enough about acne. Yesterday I went to my aunt's house to visit her 1-week-old baby boy. Funny thing is for the past 9 months since her wedding I didn't even know she was pregnant and now out of a sudden I have a new cousin! (how time flies~)



So cute right? Eyes so big.





Muahaha! My finger is longer than your arm! :X





:) Hopefully I get to visit him when he man3 yue4, which by then he most probably would have grown much bigger.

This week is gonna be boring without my iPod which I have sent for 'repair'. The 1 year warranty was going to end tomorrow so I brought my iPod to the service centre and 'claimed' that the battery life is getting short and she told me I can get a replacement in 3 days. Its most probably gonna be a refurbished set but it will be as good as new. Regretted a little not to keep the 'rife' engraving though, but that would take 3 weeks time. =/ Woohoo, new iPod! Btw the battery life was still good though there was a small fault with the Hold switch. :X

Gonna be a boring week. But I borrowed some books so it should be fine. :) 57 weeks to ORD.