im ill

I am ill.

Terminally ill.

I had expected this to happen, but not so sudden and soon. When I was diagnosed with terminal stage, I was devastated. The news came so abrupt, that I din even have time to prepare for whats going to come. I know its gonna be torturing and it will hurt, and the death will be slow and draining.

No one knows how dreadful this disease is. Only the ones who had suffered the process can understand how tormenting it is.

People will shun away from you, afraid that you may pass the virus to them. What's more terrifying is that the disease eats you up day by day, sucking away your life, making you weak and feeble as time passes. Patients look so horrifying that they are practically excluded from the society.

My situation had always been on downfall. Since I was suspected of contracting the illness in June 2001, I received numerous treatments. However, none of them really worked. It showed improvement for an instance and then backfire with major side-effects. The treatment was daunting and painful, but I never gave up because of the support I received from friends and relatives.

I never denied my illness, and understood the possible outcomes that may ensue. Soon, the virus spread. Treatment failed to contain the disease and it extended to all other areas. From 1st stage, the condition had worsened tremendously. My recent hospital visit affirmed that I am currently at the terminal stage, and I have just about 6 more months of survival.

When the doctor says that they are helpless, I knew that its over for me. There had been survivors. But the chances are slim. The effects of the illness is more psychological than physical. The social discrimination patients live with drives them crazy. It tears them apart, rip them of their hopes, rob them of their confidence and self-esteem and push them to the verge of giving up.

And many do.

But I am strong. I am not afraid of dying and definitely not afraid of the illness. I have fought for so long, and I guess it wont hurt to fight against it a little longer. Miracles do happen.

Even if I die, I have no regrets with my will written.

Dont be sad for me. Pray for me, friends.



Believe in miracles and one day, my acne will heal.