Mama Day

So long since i posted an entry with content. Think it has been too long since i have written anything, i have problems forming proper sentences.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day.

I remember when I was a kid, I made Mother's Day card for my mama every year. Maybe because it was my kindergarten teacher that made us do it, compulsory, must do, so... bobian, but~ I enjoyed making them! And those were hand-made cards using paper+colourful crayons you see... with some drawing of my 'mother' that looks slightly better than stickmen. Not forgetting, ending the card with some mushy messages like "I love you mummy!" or "世上只有妈妈好".

She kept all the cards.

Kids. You know... kids. Always yearning for their parent's love and attention.

When I was young, I always awaited her return. Late at night when she finished her mahjong session, or early in the morning, after her overnight shift. One reason is she will always buy food home. But even if she returned with nothing at all, I just craved for her return.

When you are a kid, u want to be with your mother 24/7.

Whenever my mother is not at home and i have nothing to do at home, I will wipe and clean the house, organise everything, arrange the rooms, fold the dried laundry, then surprise my mother when she gets home. She will smile, beam in delight and says "这样才乖".

When you are a kid, u love it when your parents praise you for being obedient.

But whatever it was... It was when I was young...

I was young, I grew up.
She was old, she grew older.

But as I grew up, these mushy acts became childish acts, then it feels awkward, paiseh, and sometimes, i felt shameful.

I don't crave for her return anymore. In fact, I hope she return later so I can enjoy the peace at night, without her nagging and unending interrogation.

I don't do housework anymore. In fact, I mess it up even more, leaving her to clean it up and nag about.

No more late-night supper food.

No more beaming faces.

Puberty or what, I experienced unpredictable mood-swing. I find her a nuisance. Her nagging especially. I find her unreasonable. Always blaming me without finding out what actually happened. I find her irritating, getting angry for every possible reason. I find her fashion sense so passe and her principles so horribly outdated. I think she don't understand me at all. I think she does not care.

Sometimes I get so pissed.

I even shout at her.

I rebutt her every sentence.

I turn a deaf ear to whatever she says.

I slam the door.

I turn the music so loud that it drowns her voice.

She must have been so disappointed. After so many years, my child treats me like that?

But I swear everytime I do all these, I sob behind the slammed doors. I was stressed, I desperately needed someone to talk to, not one that reprimands me. But I really shouldn't have done any of that. It doesn't help at all.

I am so sorry for whatever I did that broke her heart.

It breaks my heart too, to see you feeling so dejected with my brother, to see your hair thinning with every passing day, to know that you have to work overnight shifts so laboriously to earn such frugal salary.

I say she doesn't care about me, but have I given her the chance to care?
How self-centered was I to think that I am the only one under stress?

She has so much to worry about.

My elder brother's marriage.
Sleepless nights and unpleasant mornings my second brother caused.
My declining results.
Arguments with my papa.
Housework.
Her work.
Her friends.
....

There is really no excuse for treating your mum badly. She may be unreasonable at times, but she may be under as much stress as you do. The least we can do is talk to her, and talk things out.

All mother loves their children, and we can only repay that by loving them back as much. For this year's Mother's Day, I promise, that I will treat my mama better. :)

What about you? What have you done for your mother? What are you gonna do for your mother following this year's Mother's Day?

There is something that I have always wanted to say, but lack the courage to.



"I love you Mama"

I love you for cooking meals that tastes much better than what my father does.
I love you for being so worried every morning that I will be late.
I love you for asking whether I have enough money to spend whenever I leave the house.
I love you for trying all methods to clear my acne.
I love you for calling me '丑bee' when I return home.
I love you for staying with me when I am weak and sick.

I love you for making me know, that whatever happens, someone out there will never give up on me.

Only if I can pluck up enough courage to say this to her face to face.

-----

"Mom?" I whispered.
I hadn't said it in so long. When death takes your mother, it steals that word forever.

"Mom?"
It's just a sound really, a hum interrupted by open lips. But there are a zillion words on this planet, and not one of them comes out of your mouth the way that one does.

- For One More Day

When my aunt passed away, my mum and other aunts urged my 2 cousins to call for 'mummy' while the hearse was leaving for cremation.

It was a freaking painful scene to watch.

But my cousins remained silent.

They just followed behind the slow-moving hearse, quietly weeping.

it really steals that word forever



Don't regret. Love, before its too late.